I want to make a zoo with you.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
