i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
