He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
