I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
