What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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