i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
