Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
