her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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