How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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