Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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