Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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