I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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