should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
