Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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