I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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