hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
