This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
