Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
