Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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