theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
