Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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