I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
