so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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