I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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