he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
