I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
