I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
