i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
