forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
love makes seman taste better
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize