Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
