OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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