Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I AM VODKA MAN
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
