I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
