Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
