recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
