low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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