eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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