you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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