The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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