Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize