I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
