Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
