im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
