I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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