if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize