I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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