Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
