I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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