my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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