"it" just moved
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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