I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
there is puke in my bra ... again
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