stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
