She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
