I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
