umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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