I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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