I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
