I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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