I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
