he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize