Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
