did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
