New low: just hacked my moms facebook
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
