I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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