Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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