my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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