Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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