I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
