I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
