I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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