here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
