I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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